Everything that is bad in the world is because of Emily

Alright, we know, we are awful at keeping up this whole blog thing.....

Wait a minute..."WE" aren't awful at it, Emily is awful at it. Before all of our readers (which I'm a assuming is one or two) jump to conclusions that I am just trying to point the finger at her for both of our faults, let me explain.

The last blog that was posted was originally longer, but Emily being the utter control freak that she is decided that she was going to proof read it and make it a two part blog.

Well....she did one part of it and promised that the second half would be up soon. Well, Emily I have something to inform you of, that was over two months ago...and since then you have lost document on Franks computer. Well, it's probably not lost, but between the two of them they download so much porn, a virus probably ate it. (They have a MAC too, so that should tell you how much porn is on that computer)

For even more proof how bad Emily is at keeping up this blog, here is our Facebook conversation from last night...(and if you'll notice, she never posted the blog last night, so not only is she awful, SHE IS REALLY AWFUL.

emily

wait...let me check the trash

did you find it?

...no...

I blame frank!

It has to be on here somewhere

i probably saved it somewhere weird

i blame you lol you have had it for months

no!

yes

months

that doesn't mean it disappears after a time frame!

you prob didn't save it

i definitely did!

obiviously not

it's here somewhere. i have to leave. but i will find it tonight

okay

you better you or you get to rewrite it

deal. i'll find it

tonight

How I almost took confession

The story I am about to share with you is one of my absolute favorites. It perfectly describes Emily's and my friendship down to the very core. It encompasses the yelling, idiocy and the risk taking with Frank (Emily's low life boyfriend) being the only person attached to reality.

The Time: January 2009

The Place: Saxonburg, PA to Washington, D.C.

The People: Emily, Katie and Frank with supporting roles from: Katie's parents

The Car: Scion XD

The Weather Conditions: Winter Storm

So I'm going to be perfectly honest here, I really don't recall how we decided to even make this trek to DC in the middle of winter, but I can probably guess it went something like this:

(Emily and Katie on the phone)

Katie: "Emily, let's take a road trip."

Emily: "I'm in, where do you want to go?"

Katie: "Hmm..somewhere close so we can do a day trip or something."

Emily: "Washington DC?

Katie: "Sure, when you want to go?"

Emily: "Tomorrow?"

Katie: "Okay cool, come to my house and we'll take my car."

Emily: "Frank wants to come. He'll be lonely if he stays home."

Katie: "Alright, he can come."

Emily: "See you tomorrow."

Katie: "Bye."

That is pretty much how all of our conversations go, so it's safe to assume that is as close to the truth as you'll get.

After the phone call ended, I called my mother to share the idea of the road trip we were about to embark on which we are about to embark. She thought we were idiots for making a "day trip" to D.C. in the middle of winter, especially since there was a winter storm looming. She said the only way we could go was if we booked a room, so we did -- on a military base (my mommy is retired army), which allowed us to save some cash.

So, the following day, Emily and Frank made their way to Saxonburg. Once they arrived at my house, Emily attempted to put the base's address into little Tom (Our GPS). After five different tries she called me an idiot and said that my handwriting was worse than a t

hird grader's and I miswrote the address. All the while, my father was being a father and looking at pink, green and while blobs moving along the path to D.C. on the radar.

After much debate with my father, Emily and I "convinced" him that we could outrun the storm if we left right then. I put "convinced" in quotes because i'm pretty positive we just wore him down, and he couldn't fight us anymore. Frank pretty much just stayed out of it.

So we took off in my little scion on our way to DC. We made it to about Harmer, where we were ready to get on the Turnpike, and it started freezing rain, but we didn't let that stop us! On we went!

Now I really don't' remember much about the car ride there, but I do remember getting right outside of D.C.

The reason I remember this is simple. Emily feels she can control other peoples' bladders.

She was driving my car and I was sitting in the passenger seat. I'm pretty sure we were confused on where we were because there was some tension in the air. At this point I had been saying for around 2o minutes that I had to pee, but we hadn't passed any gas stations, so I was getting to my breaking point. Finally, I saw a TEXCO station. I don't think I was ever more happy to see a gas station in my life. So, I said, "Emily, pull into that gas station!" Her reply was short and cold "No, we will be fine" and then she zoomed passed it.

"EMILY, I HAVE TO PEE! I TOLD YOU THAT 20 MINUTES AGO," I screamed.

"OOOPS...I forgot...I thought you wanted to ask for directions...I promise, I'll stop at the next one."

Well, the next one never happened. First of all we got lost in DC. Apparently I wrote the address down right...Emily was the dumb ass. (GPS's don't track army bases, FYI)

At one point we were only passes churches and foreign embassies. My choices were getting very limited. So I turn around to Frank (the only one of us with a religious upbringing) and asked him if the church will let me use their bathroom. He looked at me with the straightest face I've ever seen and said, "Sure, but you'll have to confess first."

"WHAT?!?"I screamed. After keeping it going for five minutes, started laughing hysterically and said he was only joking, but it was too late. We had passed the church and my destiny to enter into a church for the sole purpose of taking a piss was never fulfilled.

...This is to be continued.

May 1, 2011: History is made - Katie changes her name to Wolf.

I'm so glad that in Katie's infinite wisdom, my statement that Wolf Blitzer's name is cause for him to have my attention over hers has caused her to change her Facebook name. I'm additionally glad that Facebook is not allowing her to change it back to Katie.

Unfortunately, for Katie, current events are much bigger than her squawking in my ear, which she currently is doing. Great. Evidently I'm an idiot because I can't type one thing while speaking something else. Thanks Wolf.

Seriously, though, what a monumental night.

"If the epcot ball started rolling, it could roll around the world."

In the words of Katie, just moments ago as she screamed at me over and over again to read her last post as I was trying to walk my poor dog, "What is that r word that means what Republicans say when Democrats say something?" Well, as stupid as that sentence sounds, knowing Katie for as long as I have, she was looking for rebuttal.

Well, Katie, here is your rebuttal.

May I just say, that the majority of what you said, is fairly accurate, which is a shock, I know. Please don't mistake this for me saying that even most things that come out of Katie's mouth are even close to being accurate. This is a far cry from the truth. It just so happens that this one time she may figured one thing out. And that is, that Katie and I seem to have delusions of grandeur with very little follow through. Oh well, such is life...well, our life.

Enough of talking about Katie actually articulating something properly, here is what she got wrong: Her lovely idiotic list.

First of all, I think Katie is the liar and exaggerator -- I had no such rabid rabbit. He did seem to enjoy biting people toward the end of his life, but that was all. So, in case anyone was wondering, my dad's fingers are all completely intact...unless he did something bizarre himself, like ignite a quarter stick of dynamite (true story) to simply blow it up, and end up with a lost finger.

Also, there are no Indian burial grounds under my house. Two times there happened to be ghostly type things that happened. That's all. Still unexplained, but whatever.

Frank being a deadbeat...yeah, okay. I'll give her that one too.

Aside from all of that, my addition to Katie's wonderful introduction would be that this blog is going to be great. We loved our travel blog, we just ran out of material -- with the road trip falling out of the picture and all. Luckily we realized that we don't even need to be on the same end of the country, which we currently are not (Me in Pittsburgh and Katie in Orlando), in order for us to have entertaining things to write about. We can be just as stupid apart as we are together. Epic, I know.

So, Katie and I will figure out our next blog topic and go from there. Good thing I'm done admittedly ignoring calls from her in order to finish my 20-page economics paper.

"It's only six or seven inches...is that okay?"

We are back!! Yes, I know many of you out there in the blog world were counting down the days, minutes, hours and even seconds till our miraculous return to cyberspace. Well the wait is over and the launch party is currently being planned...location...time....and people to be invited are later to be determined (except for George Clooney...after reading our previous blog about him funding our trip to Hawaii, we hooked him).

Alright, alright, enough with the nonsense. I know many of you are wondering why on earth we stopped writing our traveling blog...and started this one..over a year later and on the eve of the one year anniversary of our "historic road trip." The answer is pretty simple, we are Katie and Emily. We don't think things through, plain and simple. We are all about shoving the flag into the hole at the top of Mount Everest, but we are also a lot less about camping in pitch tents during blizzards and hiking in snow for days on end after years of training. We are more the type of hikers that need to be air recused 40 minutes into the trip.

The things we didn't think about were as follows:

1. Katie needed to live in Indiana, Pennsylvania over the summer to finishher last few classes in order to graduate from college.
2. Emily needed to work to support her low life boyfriend and "make house" in their hole in the wall apartment in the Hill District.
3. Katie had to move to Florida to further her career in the Hospitality Industry.
4. Emily had to take care of her rabid rabbit (this animal actually bit off her dad's finger)
5. Katie's windshield got hit by a rock on 422 by a stupid coal truck ...and you can't drive across the country with a cracked windshield...it's not safe!
6. Emily moved out of her apartment in the Hill District and bought a house that was built on and ancient native american burial ground (so most of the summer was spent with Emily ghost hunting and fighting off poltergeists) ..and houses cost $$$..even the ones that are built on burial grounds.

So with all these things going on in our lives..some of them productive and some of the...well just crazy (sorry Em), we decided that the road trip would just never happen. Actually come to think of it, it was never really a mutual decision. I'm pretty sure we just forgot about it.

Well "old memories die hard" because in our weekly phone conversation we started to talk about the pretty good following we had for the blog and how we should start another one, just about every day life. Sounds boring? Well it's not. Reason being we can assure you that your definition of everyday life and ours are different.

Emily and I pretty much argue about anything and everything. We often get others involved and are both extreme exaggerators and pathological liars. This blog will be the perfect showcase for our debates, both past and present. We can assure you that we both think we are right..even years later and after we were proved "wrong" by the other or a third party.

We hope that you enjoy our life lessons, we can assure you you will get the occasional chuckle and we encourage you to get actively involved!

Who do you agree with Emily or Katie?